i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
