I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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