dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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