The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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