I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
