the condom got lost in my hair
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
