Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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