yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
