Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
