The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
