I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
