you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
