im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
