got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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