I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
