Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
