it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
