how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
