I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
