ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
