Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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