i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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