Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
