So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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