I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
