I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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