my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
