i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
My vagina is officially offended.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
