Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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