I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
