you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
