i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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