Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
