I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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