My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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