She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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