Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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