3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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