He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Just pee around me
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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