I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
