I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I had to cum in my sink.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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