Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
