I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
