Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
