Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
