I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
