I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
