Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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