when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
