would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
