Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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