I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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