i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
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